We’re winding down the plots, lifting vegetables and sorting beds before the onslaught of Jack Frost and his unforgiving mischief.  But keeping our hearts warm is the knowledge that spring will return, bringing with her a new year, new life and new growing opportunities.

When I’m not digging or mulching, I find myself wandering across the allotment to see what’s going on in other peoples’ plots.  With receding foliage and beds now exposing their spent soil, the remaining vegetables reveal their swollen goodness to any passerby with a wandering eye.. ‘Oeerrr Matron!  Take them away!’

For example, across from me is an older couple, lovely people, who have a very traditional looking plot.  It’s quite spectacular and I often take inspiration from it.  However, in recent weeks they have brought out the big guns.  For standing in their plot, with no shame or modesty whatsoever, are the most enormous pumpkins.

Now I’m of the school that ‘it’s not how big it is, it’s what you do with it that counts’, but looking at these orange orbs, they have reduced my piddly squashes to a pulp.

But I know your game!  On the outside you seem like a lovely, caring, retiring couple, but underneath lurks an insatiable need to temper us younger enthusiasts, put us in our place and remind everyone that you rule the roost.

To you both, I doff my cap, pay my dues and tend to my modest squash with a dented pride.  But next year, oh yes, next year I will have my revenge! Hear me, keen allotmenteer.  On this plot of mulched soil, my pumpkin minions will rise! HAHAHAHA!

EXIT STAGE LEFT.