At this time of the week, I like to sit-down and think about what I’m going to share with you. From seasonal harvests to sharing tips on growing crops, I want to educate, enlighten and bring a smile to our horticultural friends.
But this week, I have a scoop on something that has never been uncovered before in any gardening blog or magazine. Even the RHS are too frightened to share this information.
It would seem my allotment is under attack from a new, more aggressive predator. For years it’s been spreading its fear under the cover of darkness, terrorising anyone that had the misfortune to cross its path. But now the secret’s out.
Our allotment secretary had an enquiry from the local newspaper this week, as a member of the public had reported a zombie sighting in the allotment orchard.
I’ll give you a moment to digest this.
Immediately, Agents of Field rallied together and sent out our crack unit to investigate.
Armed with sharpened hoes and a rusty rake, we managed to track down this undead member of the public, although they were reluctant to give an interview. However, we did manage to get a photo as they tried to make their escape.
It turns out the zombie was actually the resident orchard mannequin, Blossom.
I work in the television industry, and one of the shows I work on is zombie drama, The Walking Dead, but in all the years I’ve been following the story lines, I have yet to come across an apocalyptic zombie attack on a vegetable patch. I think they’ve missed a trick here.